After Albert I didn’t date until my Senior year when I met Walton. He was a popular guy on campus, a Junior, president of the Student Body and one of the top swimmers on the swimming team. He thought I was a Freshman when he asked me out.
On our first date he asked how I liked my Freshman class. I told him that I wasn’t a Freshman. He continued…Sophomore? Junior? By the time he got to Senior, he could barely breathe. After that he stumbled and fumbled his way through the date and at the end of the date he slammed the car door on his finger.
I felt no chemistry between us but decided to give him another chance…and after a few dates I was Walt’s girl and no one else would ask me out. We became good friends and since I was still on the rebound from Albert, it was a relief not to feel any romance between us. I began to think that this was how things were meant to be. I knew that Walton could never hurt me the way Albert had.
I didn’t have anyone to discuss this with, my family was in Brazil and unfortunately I had no close friendships with other girls. It was difficult to “fit in” since I was considered the “foreigner.” I was more Brazilian than American due to my upbringing in Brazil.
I graduated a year earlier than Walton, and took a job teaching Spanish in High School. Walton wanted to go to Medical School, but didn’t pass the Exams so he enrolled in graduate school to stay out of the draft. At this point, everyone expected us to get married. Walton popped the marriage question and I said “yes.”
My mother came back from Brazil for the wedding. The night before, sensing that I was not “in love” with my bridegroom, she tried to convince me that it was not too late to back out of this marriage. I did love Walton and felt sure that he was very much in love with me. This gave me a sense of security knowing that I could never be hurt again.
Our honeymoon night was a disaster. I won’t go into details, but there was no romance or sex! Walton was unable to “perform” and ended up crying in my arms.
I didn’t believe in divorce so I decided that friendship and a quiet love was good enough and one day I might fall in love with my husband. Walton got into Dental School and I was awarded a teaching scholarship to work on my Masters while teaching Spanish and Portuguese so we both stayed busy.
However, our sex life never improved and it was frustrating to have a husband who wanted me so much but couldn’t perform in the marriage bed. I got tired of the crying and tantrums and having to console him.
During this time I met Steve, from my blog “My first Romance” and fell deeply in love with him. Even though he wanted me to leave Walton, I stayed in the marriage because a divorce would be very disappointing to my family. I stopped seeing Steve and decided to try to salvage my four and a half year marriage.
It was recommended that Walton and I see the famous Masters and Johnson sex counselors, but all they could come up with, was that my husband had put me on a pedestal and loved me so much, that he feared not being able to please me sexually and this caused his impotency.
There didn’t seem to be any solution for our problems and at this point I had no feelings for Walton, just pity and even disdain. It wasn’t fair to him to go on. He was really a nice guy who I loved like a brother.
So, my marriage without romance ended.
Images from “Google Images.”